Lasting Memories

Nicholas D'Arcy Roche
April 2, 1938-July 31, 2025
San Mateo, California

Nicholas D’Arcy Roche, beloved husband of Stephanie Twomey Roche, died peacefully at home in San Mateo, CA on July 31, 2025. Born on April 2, 1938 in Wilkes-Barre, PA to John Nicholas Roche and Johanna Brennan Roche, D’Arcy was known by his middle name in deference to his father who went by Nicky. His charm and good humor were surely influenced by sharing the name of Jane Austen’s dashing lead in her popular 18th century novel of manners.

Married in 2012, D’Arcy and Stephanie shared many full and eventful years together, hosting dinner parties, attending the Telluride Film Festival, driving their matching Porsches, and traveling to dozens of countries to bike, hike, eat, and drink. The pair were also competitive ballroom dancers, earning a championship with their expert footwork. Attendees at their wedding will always remember their graceful dance down the aisle to celebrate their vows.

Gathering friends, family, and neighbors around their dinner table allowed D’Arcy to exercise his salesman’s gift for Irish toasts, long-winded storytelling, and the airing of ideas that sometimes blurred the line between provocative and controversial. He had a knack for connecting with people and forged friendships with everyone from neighbors and ski instructors to healthcare providers and fellow travelers with a twinkle in his eye and a ready laugh.

Central to D’Arcy in his later life was his role as "PopPop," the name his oldest grandchildren gave him, slyly refusing his preferred choice, “Grandfather.” Despite this minor setback, he relished the role, eagerly taking the grandkids every winter to Telluride, where he loved nothing more than skiing the black diamonds alongside them. PopPop's Summer Camp was another regular event featuring tents in the San Mateo backyard, barbecues, ghost stories, and Stephanie’s favorite, See's candy pops.

D’Arcy started his adult journey in New York City where he graduated from Columbia University in 1960 and rowed varsity heavyweight all four years - an unusual feat. While he received a degree in English that inspired a lifelong love of high-brow literature, he was just as likely to be caught with a low-brow airplane thriller.

In NYC, D’Arcy met his first wife, Marilyn Miller Roche, who predeceased him in 2003. They first connected at an Irish pub in Manhattan during the go-go days of the early 1960s, at a time when they both worked at Big Blue - aka IBM - the tech behemoth of its day. Their peripatetic IBM life took D’Arcy and Marilyn from NYC to Philadelphia to Washington, DC, with five boys - Sean, Jamie, Matt, Stephan, and Scott - arriving along the way. The seven of them eventually He settled in Wilton, CT, where he and Marilyn raised their boys and he spent countless hours pacing pool decks all over New England watching his boys’ swim meets.

Throughout this time, D’Arcy climbed the corporate ladder at IBM, transitioning to marketing and achieving the 25th anniversary mark and a gold-plated IBM watch. Not long afterward D’Arcy took a star turn working as a Silicon Valley startup CEO before finally retiring in San Mateo, CA, in a home his sons Jamie and Matt designed and built. The San Mateo house has been the site of major family events ever since.

In addition to Marilyn, D’Arcy was predeceased by his son Scott in 1998 and his sister Helen McCarty earlier this year. Along with his wife Stephanie and stepdaughter Dana Twomey, he is survived by a constellation of other loved ones including his sister Katharine Porter, his four remaining sons (Sean, Jamie, Matthew, and Stephan), their spouses (Cindy Klein Roche, Talbott Hoskins Roche, Kara Putney Roche, and Catherine Cawood Roche), and nine grandchildren (Alex Roche, Courtenay Roche, Cecile Jackonis (Logan Jackonis), Caroline Roche, Scott Roche, Griffin Roche, Sam Klein Roche, Kate Roche, and Alison Roche).